Monday, July 25, 2005

Part V, or Harry who?

That's right, boys and girls, forget Harry Potter, here's the next installment that's really got you all talking: Violent Femmes: The Highway of Death, Part 5. This took me an insomniac hour and a half to write, so be grateful, cherubs.

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Night has well and truly fallen. Gordon, having found a suitable spot to relieve himself, looks up at the sky and shivers. Despite his earlier good intentions, the roadside party beats the prospect of wandering through the woods in the dark. "I'm sure Victor's found his way back by now," he mutters. "That Gypsy he was with seems to know the area well. Guess I'll head back." So he turns to go back - but in the pitch black all the paths look the same. With an inward groan Gordon realises he can't remember which way he came.

"Great. I can't even take a leak without getting lost. Should have brought the gal with the map along..."

There's no point hanging around in the cold and the dark, so Gordon makes an educated guess and heads off confidently down completely the wrong path. For dramatic purposes, it just so happens to be the path which took Victor and Gypsy to the well...

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Victor takes another look around. Miraculously, although no time has passed since we last saw him, the sky is now black and from the woods to the left comes the hooting of an owl. A mile to Petersburg seems a long way in the dark. A light goes on in the store across the road. Victor brightens. "Hey, they're open. Maybe I can grab a coffee." He crosses the road and crosses the forecourt. Above him, the moon appears from behind a cloud and its light reflects off something lying by the disused gas pump. Victor bends over to take a closer look, then straightens up in faint horror. Glinting coldly in the moonlight is an enormous bear trap, coated with congealed blood.

"Wow, didn't realise there were bears in this neck of the woods," says Victor. "Better get inside out of harm's way."

But it's not just the trap that's reflecting light. Caught up in it is something even more out of place in a rundown out-of-town gas station. It's a ladies' high-heeled shoe. Spangly, strappy, with four-inch heels, it lies tangled in the jaws of the bear trap, the buckle twisted and broken as if it's been wrenched of the owner's foot. Victor picks it up and holds it to the moonlight. He has a strong sense of deja vu as he realises this shoe is from another story.....

"Whoever this slipper fits shall be my bride!" he declares to the night.

There is a pause. An owl hoots sceptically from the woods.

"No, wait, got my stories mixed up there. Damn those panto days. This shoe - I've seen it somewhere before. Kicking rounf in the back of our van as I remember. And if I'm not mistaken, these killer heels are nothing compared to their owner's voice....."

It can't be. Victor's stomach turns to water and his knees begin to shake. "But she's dead, we saw her meet her bloody end....oh my God, in a bear trap!"

He untangles a long blonde hair from around the heel of the shoe and shudders. There's no going back now; the woods are dark and uninviting, and a terrible curiosity draws him into the convenience store. He has to find out what's going on.

Inside the store is eerily familiar. The marshmallow stand is right in front of him; oddly enough it's the only shelf not completely bare. The doorway and cash desk bear scorch marks from an apparent explosion, and the windows are blown out. There's even a roll of duct tape lying undisturbed on the floor. (What do you mean you don't get it? Didn't you read My Night With the Violent Femmes?) But otherwise it is empty. Dust and cobwebs cover every shelf, and a musty smell fills his nostrils. The place is deserted.

Except.......from a back room comes the faint but unmistakable sounds of a woman's voice, singing. If you can call it singing. If you can call it a woman's voice, for that matter. It is wobbly and off-pitch and breaks off periodically into demented cackling.

"You were my strength when I was weak/ You were my voice when I couldn't speak.....heeeheeehah, but I found it now didn't I? You were my eyes when I couldn't seeeeeee.....oh Goofy dear, what would I do without a fan like you? Now I can show those noisy rowdy rock types, mwuhuhahah, yes I can, I'll show them you can't get rid of Celine that easily, you can't kill the power ballad......ohhhh, my heart will go on and on and on and on and on and on....."

And on and on and on. Victor has a sudden terrifying glimpse of the future, and it's diva-shaped. Something has to be done.

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Meanwhile, what has happened to Gordon? Where did Gypsy get to? Who was behing the mysterious piercing shriek from the woods? Have the Femmebots seduced Brian yet?
Well don't look at me. Ask weesha!

6 Comments:

Blogger Rachel said...

I was going to focus on all three (four?) strands but I got carried away with Victor's hideous discovery....I don't know why you're worried weesha. I thought you had a plot worked out for this?

10:40 AM  
Blogger Rachel said...

Yeah, I was looking at Godawful Fanfiction earlier...don't know if I want them to review us though! I mean, I know it's godawful, but it is intentional, so I don't know if that qualifies for a GAFF review....

3:46 PM  
Blogger Rachel said...

Heheh, if it raises our profile it's all good :D

5:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Like how you tied Celine in again!
You're so creative!!

2:09 PM  
Blogger Rachel said...

Thanks Mary - after all the 'ooh, let's bring Celine back!' last time it seemed inevitable. Prepare for a Femmes v Goofus/Celine showdown at the end - possibly with ligthsabres, we'll have to see... :D

5:38 PM  
Blogger EKENYERENGOZI Michael Chima said...

"so let your light shine for the whole world to see and give glory to God," Jesus Christ.

I wish you all the best.

The narrative is okay.
The vocabulary should have more imagery. Avoid cliches. The scenery of most common novels should be different from yours.

Your imagery will enhance the power of your vocabulary.

Your characterization is your strength. I mean your characters are memorable.

I just glanced for the notable observations. If I have more time, I will read and preview it.

1:35 PM  

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